I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
