If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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