: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
40s are totally the cure
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
