glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
