Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
