Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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