Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
NoShamevember. You game?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
