If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
