Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
