Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
