ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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