the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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