somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
