I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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