I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
