I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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