he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
