I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
