...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
