And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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