HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
