You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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