Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
