How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He shit in the fireplace
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
