i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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