All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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