just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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