Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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