Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she peed on how many people?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
