You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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