Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
