she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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