saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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