p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
