In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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