I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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