i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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