The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
