Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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