at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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