people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
