you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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