yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize