i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
