Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize