I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
