My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
