Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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