I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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