i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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