You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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