Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
