Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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