I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
