I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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