I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
someone get that fucking seahorse.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
