Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
