tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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