best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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