We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
