apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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