I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
