Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
