brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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