It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
