Already got asked if we're dating
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
