I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
