By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
