i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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